Twin-Os!

This is the play that I wrote for 2010 Script Raiders 24hr Play Festival in Texas Tech University.

Twin-Os

by Teddy Alexis Rodríguez

Characters:

#1: Female

#2: Male

There is an empty stage with an orange traffic cone in the middle. A couple of rehearsal blocks sit on stage left. There is a male character sitting on the rehearsal blocks. A female character enters and she is carrying an open umbrella.

#1 : Excuse me sir. I need help. Would you be so kind to tell me how to get to the next town? I am a little lost.

#2: Just go around the cone three times.

#1: (She looks at him, then looks at the cone and back at him.) Do you think that was funny?

#2: I thought that was hilarious.

#1: Well it wasn’t.

#2: I still think it was.

#1: You are blocking.

#2: No I was not! I was proposing a truthful advance to the scene.

#1: Truthful? Really? You were just looking for a cheap laugh at my expense. I was gonna go around the stupid cone and then everybody was going to laugh at me. That does not advance the scene. That is why you never get cast in shows.

#2: Excuse me! That was a low-blow. What are you talking about?

#1: You are always doing a good job in your auditions, but you just need to steal the show, you need to make it about you. And that is why you never get cast.

#2: That.. that’s not true.

#1: You see, you are doing in it right now.

#2: Okay stop, let’s just do this improv exercise.

#1: Alright, but now is your turn to enter my space. Go, go…

He goes off stage and enters the space wearing the cone as a hat.

#2: Ma’am do you know if Juanito lives here? I am here for his birthday party.

#1: Yeah you are in the right place, but at the wrong time. His birthday was last week.

#2: What? But I thought it was today…

#1: No, sorry.

#2: Can you look for him? I can show him all my tricks right now…

#1: I am sorry, but he is not here, they moved to Chicago three days ago.

#2: I tried to be here, it’s just that I am going to miss him so much… and I couldn’t handle being away from him. I could not say good-bye, I am not good at that

#1: Boy I never,… you are his father.

#2: I know. I’ll call him right now.

#1: And scene. That was way better. Don’t you think so?

#2: I don’t know, it was kind of sappy.

#1: Well don’t judge a scene for how many laugh you can get. Drama is a well respected art form. Actually critics tend to like it way more than comedy .

#2: Don’t get all teachy on me.

#1: Wanna try another round?

#2: Sure.

#1: This is all for you own good.

#2: I know mija.

She takes the umbrella and grabs it like is a magic wand.

#2: I wish I could go to the ball. I wish I could go to the ball.

#1 taps her shoes making a noise to make #2 notice her.

#2: Who are you?

#1: Honey, I am your fairy godmother.

#2: Oh. I guess the magic world is also having an economic crisis.

#1: What does that mean?

#2: Where is your big entrance? The magic dust?

#1: Honey, this is a low budget production, hello! I am standing in a rehearsal block to make me appear like I am floating.

#2: Dang it, I was really looking forward to the makeover.

#1: Well, not with all the magic in the world I can fix that. What you need only a plastic surgeon can solve.

#2: How mean? Are you sure you are my fairy godmother?

#1: You got a problem with that?

#2: Pardon me, but I don’t think you fit the type.

#1: Excuse me! Are you being racist?

#2: I am not racist, I only stereotype is faster.

#1: Let’s get you to the ball so I can go back to sleep.

#2: What for?

#1: So you can meet the princess and she can fall in love with you.

#2: I am not interested in the princess.

#1: You are not?

#2: No, I am actually interested in her brother: the prince. He is so hot.

#1: Wow, how modern. I guess I can arrange that too.

#2: Too late.

#1: Too late?

#2: Yeah, he is taking a nap right now in my stepmother’s bed. I guess your services are not longer required, thank you. Have a nice life.

They both laugh.

#1: That was a little fucked up.

#2: Yeah, but funny. And good improv too.

#1: You need to work on your posture.

#2: What?

#1: You kind of slouch too much. And you need make the few looks that you have work for you.

#2: Did you just called me ugly?

#1: Well, you are not Ricky Martin you know?

#2: Well, I know that. But let me remind you that we are related.

#1: So? I got all the good genes.

#2: No, we both have very much the same genes.

#1: Yeah but I got lucky.

#2: (Saying it like she is a baby.) Yes you did!

#1: Jerk.

#2: Tell me something I don’t know. You know what, why don’t we do a little Meisner repetition exercise… just so you can see how that is…

#1: Alright.

They sit right in front of each other, looking at each other very intensely.

#2: You just took a deep breath.

#1: I just took a deep breath.

#2: You just took a deep breath.

#1: I just took a deep breath.

#2: You just took a deep breath.

#1: I just took a deep breath.

#2: You feel silly.

#1: I feel silly.

#2: You feel silly.

#1: I feel silly.

#2: You feel silly.

#1: I feel silly. This is stupid.

#2: This is not stupid.

#1: This is stupid.

#2: This is not stupid.

#1: This is stupid.

#2: This is not stupid.

#1: This is stupid.

#2: Okay, okay, if you are not going to connect this is not going to work, you are not giving me anything. Energy, hello!

#1: Let’s just do the improve games, they are more relevant and more intellectual than that “acting technique” that your overpriced-professor is teaching you.

#2: Okay.

#1: Let’s just start at the climax of the scene. Ready?

#2: Yes.

#2 puts the cone inside his shirt implying a belly. The umbrella becomes #1’s purse.

#2: Help… help, I think the baby is coming!

#1: ¿Qué pasa señor?

#2: (Speaking very slowly.) El baby-o esta coming-o.

#1: Oh. (Pause.) Ohhhhhhhhh.

She starts to help him breathe like a Lamaze-like class.

#1: Puje. Puje, puje.

#2: No, no “puje.”

She starts to make sounds like she wants him to start pushing.

#1: Puje now, puje now.

#2: Ahhhhhhh.

She looks at his crotch, and sees nothing.

#1: (Screaming.) Puje, more.

#2: Ahhh, I can’t.

#1: Si, si, si.

#2: Ahhh, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

#1: (Takes the cone like she is carrying baby.) Oh Dios mío, three baby-os.

#2: What did you think about that one?

#1: It was ok.

#2: It was ok? Oh please, you are just so mean. I am getting better by the minute, and you don’t even acknowledge it, you just want to have control and be better than me, but you know what? I am tired of this crap, I am gone.

#1: What? Where do you think you are going? We are making progress here.

#2: Yeah, yeah. We are not, your technique is stupid and makes no sense.

#1: It does, where is this anger coming from?

#2: Don’t start your psychological bullshit on me… we are the same age so stop acting like you are older or better than me.

#1: This is not helping.

#2: Oh but it is.

#1: How?

#2: (He starts laughing.) Well showing you how great of an actor I’ve become.

#1: What? You were joking.

#2: No, no joking, acting.

#1: Oh, well…. Wow.

#2: I know, that Meisner crap really works. The key is to connect, and then (Snapping his fingers.) magic on stage.

#1: It really works. So you were just playing with me the whole time?

#2: Yeah, basically… and sis you really need to connect more in the scenes, if you don’t, you are never gonna get cast… and guess what? I just did.

#1: In what?

#2: I got Bernardo in West Side Story.

#1: But you are not even Puerto Rican!

#2: I’m half-mexican, which is close enough.

#1: (Laughing.) Please!

#2: Let’s go eat… all this pretend made me hungry. And you pay.

--End of the Play--

© 2010 Teddy Alexis Rodríguez

Email: teddyalexis@gmail.com

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.